Perfectionism: A Growing Challenge for College Students

Colleges around the country are experiencing an increasing problem with the mental health of their students. The number of students seeking counseling while in college has increased over the years. In fact, a study by The American College Health Association found that the majority of students had experienced “overwhelming anxiety”. The study also showed that 40 percent of college students admitted they had experienced such high levels of anxiety in the prior year that it was difficult to function. Those are alarming statistics. It’s important to pinpoint where this increase in mental health challenges is coming from. While there are several different reasons one of them is the struggle with perfectionism.

What is perfectionism?

According to Google, the definition of perfectionism is, “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection”. In college, this could be striving for perfect grades, maintaining the perfect social life, always looking the part, and participating in the right extracurriculars to build out your resume.

Why is perfectionism a bad thing?

Just reading over what perfectionism would look like for a college is enough to overwhelm some people. Entering college is a whole new world for students. It comes with new freedom and responsibilities that many students have never experienced. When students are living away from home and their family, they are without the support system that they have always relied on.

Many students were able to get away with striving to be perfect in high school and some were even able to excel at it. But the new situation and increased level of workload ends up being too much to maintain the standard in college, and rightly so. Yet, it doesn’t stop students from pursuing it even though it takes a toll on their mental health.

Perfectionism sets unrealistic expectations

Perfection is a goal that no student, or person for that matter, can achieve. That means when you strive for perfection you are ultimately setting yourself up for failure. Striving for this unrealistic expectation leads to anxiety, shame, and stress as you work to accomplish something that just isn’t possible. For some students this leads to other health and wellness problems like substance abuse, eating disorders, and depression.

Perfectionism causes procrastination

Knowing that you are setting out to accomplish something that isn’t realistic causes procrastination. The goal of doing something to perfection is overwhelming. It causes students to put off getting started on projects because they are afraid they won’t be able to achieve their desired outcome. But, this causes additional problems because procrastinating only adds to the stress that you feel. It also causes you to stay up late trying to complete assignments or study because you delayed in getting started when you should have.

What causes students to strive to be perfect?

There are many different reasons that students strive for perfection. Discovering the root cause of where the desire came from can be a key to learning how to overcome it.

Family expectations – There are some families that place a strong focus on academics and grades. In these homes, anything that is less than perfect is criticized or corrected. When a student grows up in this environment, they learn to identify their success and worth with being perfect which causes them to always strive for perfection. Feeling that a less than perfect outcome is letting down your family members and not meeting their expectations can lead to anxiety and depression.

Social media – There have been many studies done that show the dangers of social media usage. In a world where everyone seems to be posting “perfect” selfies of themselves and all of their accomplishments, it can be easy to feel that you don’t measure up. There is a lot of danger that comes from comparing yourself and your life with what you see on social media. It has been explained that social media is a highlight reel of someone’s life. They only share the things that make them look good. When you compare your everyday life to their highlight reel you are never going to come out ahead.

Painful situations in your past – Sometimes the strive for perfection is born out of painful situations that you have lived through. It could be that you never felt you measured up to one of your siblings or that a parent left, and you question if you were responsible. These types of situations can cause students and young adults to strive for perfection in order to view themselves and have others view them as “enough”.

Warning signs to watch for

There are some symptoms that you can watch for in yourself and your peers to help identify if you struggle with perfectionism. You don’t have to have all of the symptoms on this list in order for it to be a struggle. And, there may be some symptoms you have that are not included below. See if you can identify with any of the following:

• You have difficulty acknowledging and celebrating your successes

• There is no acceptable mistake.

• You feel people won’t like you if they know you’re not perfect

• You feel unsatisfied with life

• You’re constantly procrastinating on studying and completing assignments

• You constantly feel overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious

If these sound familiar it’s time to get help. There is no shame in seeking treatment to help get your strive for perfection under control. And, once you do so, it will be much better for your mental health.

How students can get help

The good news is most college campuses are set up with counseling centers that understand the pressures that students face. If you think you may have a problem reach out to a counselor on campus or a local therapist in your area. There are also some habits that you can start to practice on your own while also seeking treatment:

• Make a list of your positive characteristics that have nothing to do with your performance.

• Learn time management skills and set realistic goals for yourself and your schedule.

• Change your internal dialogue and cut yourself a break. Remove “Should have known…” from your vocabulary.

• Stop focusing on doing it perfectly and instead focus on doing the best job possible with the time that you do have.

• Practice self-care like meditation and mindfulness and allow yourself to time to rest.

• Stop caring what others think of you and don’t compare yourself to others.

College and the transition to adult life have enough challenges on its own. Perfection is not something to be achieved. Simply focus on doing the best you can and being happy with that. And, if you are struggling, don’t be ashamed or afraid to talk to a counselor.

Mental Health Challenges of College Students

College students are vulnerable to a wide variety of mental health challenges, and there is no one inoculation against any of these possible experiences. Clinical conditions such as depression, anxiety, insomnia, and even panic are common experiences for college students due to the many new stressors and pressures that come with the new academic and relational college experiences. Less serious levels of stress and anxiety can still cause students distress and functional difficulties in sleep, time management, school performance, social interactions, and decision-making. Additionally, the new freedom that the college experience brings for many students also comes with some negative decisional consequences and tough learning experiences.

Too little sleep is a common and insidious starting point for many mental health challenges among college students. New social opportunities, coursework demands, sport and academic obligations, and a host of other possible distractions can render sleep pretty low on the priority list, and many students struggle with time management that includes a restful and restorative amount of sleep. Being unrested can lead to decreased competency in many of these areas, which can in turn result in heighted stress and anxiety and start a feedback loop of decreased performance and increased stress. Add in shoestring budgets, unlimited access to junk food, and low motivation to seek out veggies and water when there are chips and soda everywhere, and you have a recipe for very unhappy campers.

For many students, the virtually unlimited opportunities for socializing at college creates tantalizing possibilities that puts them further and further behind in the coursework and other responsibilities. Like people in financial debt, being in “time management” debt may create additional avoidance (feeling too overwhelmed by the feeling of being behind to engage in doing something about it) which renders the problem even more daunting.

College students may also find themselves feeling anxious or depressed by the seeming magnitude of the decisions they face as college students. They may feel that choosing “the right” major or course of study will determine the outcome of the rest of their lives; that dating “the right” person may have incredible importance for their future; or that making a certain athletic, academic, or other achievement has deep ramifications for their ultimate goal achievement.

Unfortunately, college may also be the first time that students have exposure and unsupervised access to substances such as marijuana, alcohol, and more serious substances of abuse like prescription medications or other street drugs. Many college students will experiment with alcohol and pot with a few bad hangovers and some tough lessons, but emerge largely unscathed. However, with the increasing ubiquity of harder street drugs and illicit prescription medications, some students may find themselves with substance-abuse related difficulties that causes them significant shame and functional impairment, as well as primary (direct effect of the substance) and secondary (related to feelings of embarrassment and distress) anxiety and depression. Individuals with genetic predispositions to some psychiatric conditions – particularly schizophrenic disorders—may find these conditions are acutely “triggered” for the first time by the use of substances.

Fortunately, college campuses have excellent resources for mental health support, including peer support networks, peer counselors, mental health professionals, substance use treatment support, and pathways to other helpful tools. If you have concerns about your student’s mental health, talk to them about it in a low-key, supportive, non-confrontational way that lets them know it’s okay to need and get help on this new journey, and then stay involved until they get linked up with the supports they need.

Transitioning to College: Helping Students with Anxiety

The transition to college is an exciting time for students and families. Whether going directly from a senior year in high school or from a “gap” year, students are looking forward with intense anticipation to all of the mysteries and wonders of college life as they’ve come to understand it: meeting new people, a profoundly new degree of independence, exciting new surroundings, studies that may one day connect to a career, and a symbolic point of entry into their adult lives. The rites of passage associated with a senior year of high school in particular lend significant buildup to the college transition.

This excitement can mask an equally profound sense of anxiety associated with this transition, and students often struggle to reconcile these co-existing emotional experiences. Leaving home can be as scary as it is exciting. Choosing a course of study (or feeling like one has to choose one) can feel as much like pressure as it can feel like possibilities. Meeting new people often goes hand-in-hand with fears about losing old, comfortable, and familiar friends with whom one has shared an extensive history. Being geographically distanced from one’s parents can feel deeply unnerving even as it feels liberating.

Additionally, individuals may have significant concerns about the ramifications of the decisions they have made. The college application, acceptance, and selection processes and all of the inherent details such as securing financial resources and making housing decisions may render students with the sense that they have made profound and unbreakable commitments of epic proportions, which can feel like intense pressure to thrive no matter what; all the while having nagging anxieties that they may not have made “the right” decisions but are now stuck with them regardless. What was at one point an elated fantasy about four years of bliss may alternately seem like a foreboding, ominous, inescapable, and very expensive black hole. What if I hate it there? What if I should have picked the other school/program/scholarship/dorm/etc? What if I’m too far away from my family? Will my family be disappointed/angry/upset if I want to change programs? Will Mom and Dad be angry/hurt/lose money if I try this program and it’s not right for me, and I want to transfer? What if I’m miserable on the soccer team and have to play to keep my scholarship/etc? are just a few examples of the kind of anxieties that frequently intrude on the festivities and glow surrounding the college transition.

Students transitioning to college frequently feel anxious about being open about concerns they have because they fear that they will be perceived as unready for the change if they show signs of hesitation. It is important to them to prove their ability to go forward and engage their futures, and they may be reticent to verbalize any sentiments that have the potential to undermine their perceived readiness.

The anxiety of transitioning to college is as likely to be a factor for individuals who do not have a history of anxiety or other mental health concerns as it is for those who do. In fact, it’s important to remember that individuals with no history of anxiety may feel even more pressure to appear to be “handling” the transition well, as individuals who have had anxiety in the past may be more comfortable discussing their concerns as feeling anxious is not an unexpected experience. They may feel less pressure to keep up an appearance “keeping it together” having already dealt with similar feelings previously, and therefore more inclined to seek help and support.

For the people who care about them, supporting students through the transition to college means being empathetic to their conflicting feelings and not personalizing the stress. Often, the college process can be stressful and anxiety provoking for the people who make up the student’s support system, especially parents. Be mindful of your own attitude including verbals and nonverbals towards the new college student. There may be a little part of you that resents them being less than completely positive about the upcoming experience into which you may also have put great time, effort, and resources. But you need to remember that their feelings of anxiety having nothing to do with their appreciation for the part you have played in the process. Their anxieties really exist independently of that, and your compassionate empathy for their conflicting feelings is as important as any other kind of support you have provided along the way.

Consider trying to have some open and low-stress conversations with your student about their transition. You can help open the doorway for them to share their feelings by letting them know it’s okay for them to have some ambivalence . . . perhaps by sharing your own conflict (i.e., you know, I’m so excited for you and yet I find myself also a little anxious about having you so far away). Preemptively explore the support resources available on campus such as the student mental health center or counseling service, and review those opportunities with your student the same way you would take note of other resources such as the dining hall or the registrar’s office. In doing so you make your student aware of the opportunities while at the same time normalizing the idea that they might have anxieties and that seeking additional support is a good way to handle such feelings.  Also, make sure your student knows that you will always be glad to hear from them, and you want to know how they are doing no matter what. By preemptively letting your student know that you expect there to be downs as well as ups and lows as well as highs on this exciting time in life, you are taking the pressure off of them to only be calling home with good news.