As a parent of a nonbinary or gender-nonconforming child, it is extremely important to find the best way to support your child. Coming out can be a tough process and welcoming your child with open arms can help alleviate that stress.
The first and most important thing to do is to let your child know that you accept them and begin finding ways to make them feel comfortable. Coming out is a very personal experience, and it is crucial to make your child feel like you are someone that they can trust. If the child is excited about their realization, be excited with them! If they are nervous or worried about coming out, provide comfort and care. Make your child feel listened to and affirmed in their identity, as it takes a lot of reflection. See what pronouns they would like to use and be open to changing the language you use to refer to your child. Support your child in trying things out, whether that be new pronouns or new names - gender can be fluid and changing, especially as someone is figuring their identity out. Making your child feel comfortable with experimentation can help them feel more secure in their discoveries, and they will know you are a safe person to come to. Explore any other ways to help your child feel comfortable, such as their appearance - take them to get their hair cut and re-styled, go find new clothes, and so on. This can be a fun bonding experience with your child, and they can learn what makes them feel more comfortable and confident.
Starting with acceptance at home can help your child get through some difficulties they may face for their gender identity. Because of the binary-focused world we live in, those who break the gender binary can be targeted for discrimination. Though newer generations become more and more accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, including nonbinary and gender-nonconforming identities, there is still discrimination and harassment. Being a solid source of support for your child means that they will have someone to turn to when others are discriminatory, and that can help alleviate some of the worries of being nonbinary or gender nonconforming. As your child navigates the world living as they are, there can be some tough moments: “According to the National School Climate Report, 86% of LGBTQ youth reported being harassed at school” (Accredited Schools Online). Though that statistic can be scary, you as a parent can be a wonderful support system for your child and make them feel loved amid discrimination.
Another way to support your child as they come out is to do your own research on the LGBTQ+ community, specifically on nonbinary and gender-nonconforming identities. There are so many resources online, whether it be newsletters or groups or articles. One organization is Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Despite the name focusing just on sexuality, PFLAG is a great resource for you and your child on learning about identities and how to find support. They offer hotlines, online outreach, and peer meetings to create a support system that is properly educated. Whether you would like to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community, or your child is interested in getting outside support for their identity, PFLAG is a good place to start. Another way to learn is discovering nonbinary and gender-nonconforming activists online if you are active on social media, or reading material written by nonbinary and gender-nonconforming people. Finding people who have been out for a while and are active in the community can help you learn more about these identities and can even inspire your child to be confident and proud of their identity.
Though you may be worried for your child in times of discrimination, or you may be unsure on how to support your child, starting with love is crucial. Find the ways to make your child feel comfortable and valid and educate yourself on the LGBTQ+ community. Being that support for your child, as well as finding new support systems for your family, can make your nonbinary or gender nonconforming child grow more confident in their identity and remind them that they are loved for who they are.
Resources for families:
https://www.accreditedschoolsonline.org/resources/lgbtq-student-support/
Other sources consulted:
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01453/full
