Ways that Compassion Can Help You Support a Loved One Suffering from Addiction

It can often be difficult knowing how to navigate a relationship that is tainted by addiction. Often, loved ones are told that helping an addict means creating codependency, and that the best thing to do is show some “tough love,” even if that means walking away.

But is this really true?

Is there a better way to relate to a friend or family member who is struggling with addiction? Is there a form of love besides “tough love” that can help us help our loved ones?

Recent research has found that loved ones can play an important role in an addict’s recovery. While loved ones can’t change their addicted friend or family member, there are things they can change about themselves that will benefit the relationship.

The most significant thing a person can do is to become more compassionate toward their loved one struggling with addiction. Compassion is key to recovery as it allows a person to love a friend or family member without condoning (enabling) their behavior.

Why Compassion is so Powerful in Recovery

When we offer a loved one genuine compassion, we voluntarily join them in their suffering and give them profound gifts that can be catalysts toward real healing and recovery.

Being compassionate means:

We See Them

Compassion allows us to really see our loved one and the suffering they are going through.

We Hear Them

All humans need to be heard, but those with substance abuse issues often feel they go unheard. Compassion allows us to talk less and listen more.

We Validate Them

To see and to hear are not enough, we must also let our loved ones know they have a right to express their pain, anger, sadness, or any other emotion they are feeling. Too often, friends and family members ignore or minimize their loved one’s suffering. Compassionate helps us validate the person.

We Comfort Them

Whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional pain, sufferers need to be comforted. Compassion guides us and helps us provide our loved ones with comfort through a loving touch, knowing glance, or a few kinds words.

It is also incredibly important to be compassionate toward yourself during your loved one’s recovery. Self-compassion asks that we treat ourselves kindly; that we see, hear, validate and show ourselves the same comfort we show our loved one. 

If you or a loved one is suffering with addiction and interested in exploring treatment, please contact us today. We would be happy to speak with you about how we may be able to help.

The Journey of Mental Health Recovery: Why It’s a Good Thing

We are a society that likes results fast. We went from drive-thru lanes at fast-food restaurants to having Uber Eats bring our meal to us. Now, we can pull into a parking spot at the grocery store and have people bring our groceries right out to our car at the designated time. Or, we can just have our groceries brought right to our house. Two-day shipping has become the norm and we can obtain entire degrees online without having to inconvenience ourselves with going to class. There’s no denying, we like things done fast. But, when it comes to mental health, recovery is a journey, not a sprint. It’s full of ups and downs and twists and turns. However, while we are on the journey, we can make plenty of discoveries and find hope along the way.

Finding hope in the journey

Acknowledging that mental health recovery is a journey is an important first step to making progress and finding hope. If you expect the process to be fast and easy then every setback that you experience can feel overwhelming. It’s important that you know that your journey at times might feel like you are taking two steps forward and one step back. Don’t let that stop you from staying the course. When you accept this from the start the low points won’t make you want to throw in the towel. They are simply another part of the journey and a sign that you need to keep going.

Why the journey is a good thing

Let’s step back and think about a journey from a traveling perspective instead of a mental health perspective. If you go on a journey it’s something that you look forward to. Journeys are fun. We don’t want to rush through it to reach the end destination quickly. When we want to do that, we “go on vacation”.  When you go on vacation or take a trip the entire thing is about the end destination. But when you go on a journey the experience is what you are after. It’s not about getting to that last location, it’s about all of the things you are seeing and experiences you are having along the way.

We don’t think of it the same way though when it comes to our mental health. We want to be “fixed” or “better” as soon as possible. So, we don’t want to enjoy the process of getting to that point, we just want it to be over. But there’s a lot that we can learn by shifting our mindset. Here are a few reasons why the journey to recovery is a good thing:

You learn about yourself

You learn a lot about yourself on a journey. Every person that goes on a journey is faced with setbacks and difficulties from time to time. The way you handle those setbacks teaches you something about yourself. This helps you start to identify the triggers that seem to cause you to struggle time and time again. You being to learn to watch out for them and be prepared.

But you also learn good things from a journey. You have a chance to try new thing and learn new ways to view or think about ideas. And, you discover habits that help you and activities that bring you joy.

You learn about the importance of other people

There is a show on the Discovery Channel called Alone. People are placed in beautiful but remote locations completely alone. They have few supplies and the entire purpose is for them to survive longer than the others that are competing. They don’t have interaction with each other, there is no set end date, and they have no idea when other contestants quit. It’s interesting to watch why people decide to quit and go home. Sometimes it’s because they are hungry or scared of wild animals. But, more often than not, it’s because they are lonely. They miss having a support system to rely on.

Having social support is a very important part of the journey to mental health recovery. Having an inner circle of family or friends that can tell when you are struggling even when you won’t openly admit it can help you through the lows you experience. They can also celebrate with you through the good times.

Participating in a support group can show you that you aren’t alone in your journey. There are many others that are working through the same struggles that you are. You can also learn from the stories of others that have made the journey before you. Just like someone that is getting ready to embark on a journey such as climbing Mt Everest would read and study about others that have gone before them, you can learn from those that have recovered from mental health challenges.

Getting help with your journey

If you were planning on traveling the world would you do a little prep work before you left? Of course, you would. It would be unwise to set off on a journey like that without having a plan in place to help you along the way. Your mental health journey is no different. If you want to be on the road to recovery, I urge you to talk to a mental health professional like a local therapist. They can help you create a plan to recovery. And, they can help you along the path as things change, which they will.

The plan to recovery is not often a one and done type of plan. It’s a fluid plan that can be adjusted as needed throughout your life. If you were headed down a road and found that the path was full of holes wouldn’t you look for another road to take? The same thing can happen as you are working towards recovery. If you find that was part of your plan is no longer working for you then it’s time to try something new.

So, remember, you will experience ups and downs along your path to mental health recovery. But, if you are prepared and acknowledge that this will happen from time to time, and have a strong support system in place, you can take the journey as it comes and find hope in it along the way.

Healing from Addiction: Finding the Road to Recovery

Addiction– and recovery– can look differently from individual to individual. As surely as we can be addicted to alcohol, substances, or medications, we can just as easily be addicted to love, work, sex, dieting, exercise, skin picking, and food. Addiction can refer to any compulsive and unhealthy attachment or behavior that one uses as a way of artificially enhancing, numbing, or avoiding feelings.  Addictions have negative consequences and are difficult to just “stop” doing.

There are certainly different levels of medical and psychological risks associated with different kinds of addiction, and recovery.  Individuals who are at high risk for dangerous or destructive consequences from addictive behaviors should seek professional direction, support, and monitoring from healthcare professionals, including doctors and addiction therapists, and emergency medical attention if needed.

Assuming medical and psychological stability have been achieved, the road to recovery and associated healing work has many aspects. And it truly is a road: recovery is a lifelong journey that will inevitably have peaks and valleys, joys and sorrows, highs and lows.

Ways to heal and find your road to recovery

1. Yes, it is one day at a time

You may have heard the expression “one day at a time” in reference to taking each day in recovery, getting sober, or stopping an addictive behavior. That’s because focusing on the enormity of the long term without a substance or behavior can seem intensely overwhelming and drive people back to the same thing they are trying to decrease. Focusing on one day at a time is the equivalent of setting small, manageable goals and keeping your attention on what you can control . . . yourself in the here and now.

1. Educate yourself

Too often, recovery is framed as a mystical process. There certainly can be a deeply soulful and even spiritual aspect to any life change process. But successful recovery is achieved by taking active, empowered, and informed steps towards the desired change. Any athlete will tell you that hoping for change in their performance isn’t an effective strategy—hope and faith is helpful, and it also takes commitment, determination, support, knowledge, and practice. And surgeons don’t go into the operating room “hoping” to have an epiphany about the procedure they’re about to do. So utilize the best recovery science the field has to offer from reputable addiction science professionals, regardless of the addiction with which you struggle.

1. Enlist support

Feelings of shame, embarrassment, anger, depression, and fear of judgement often deter individuals from enlisting support from the important people who can help them. Isolation is detrimental to recovery in every way. It reinforces the secrecy and minimizing that is usually a part of most addictions. Isolation robs individuals of helpful support in the tough times, and also creates an accountability vacuum. So reach out and let people in your world know what’s going on, and how they can help you. Utilize people you trust and can count on, wherever they might be in your world: a faith organization, a social group, family members, friends, counselors, or even coworkers if appropriate. If you have concerns about things getting complicated with people you know, or if the people you know are also addicted, do a quick internet search for local or internet-based support groups and organizations that can help.

1. Carry a “reasons” list

When faced with a trigger or temptation, our reasons for getting into recovery can seem vague and distant. Make a list of the top five motivations you have for getting into recovery. Make copies, and put them everywhere you can to remind you why you are engaging in the recovery process. Hang one on the refrigerator, one on the bathroom mirror, one in your wallets, purses, backpacks, or anything else you carry with you, and consider making it the wallpaper on your tablet, computer, and phone. This will help you reinforce your motivations to yourself at regular intervals and help you stay focused on the reasons you are working so hard. If someone—like a child or a spouse—is one of your reasons, put their picture on your list.

1. Forget willpower and embrace strategy

Willpower doesn’t respect addiction. That’s what makes it an addiction. So rely on strategy, instead. If you know you’re likely to do the behavior you’re trying to start in certain places, with certain people, or under certain conditions, don’t put yourself in those scenarios. You are no more likely be able to resist the behavior than you were before, just because you’re thinking about it harder. If history says you binge eat a half gallon of ice cream or a bag of cookies every time you have them in the house, stop buying them. If you have a certain friend group that you often have too much to drink with, you might have to host an event in location without alcohol.