A Parent’s Guide to Teen Depression and Suicide

The statistics on teen suicide are staggering. According to the Centers for Disease Control, each year, an average of 8% of American teens will attempt suicide. This makes suicide the second leading cause of death for kids aged 10 to 24. In fact, it is believed that more teenagers die from suicide than from cancer, pneumonia, birth defects, AIDS, influenza and heart disease combined.

Studies have found that teens who have presented with a mood disorder or who abuse drugs are at the greatest risk of attempting suicide. While research suggests girls attempt suicide more often, boys more often die from it.

Unfortunately, there is still much stigma surrounding depression and suicide, and so often these kids keep their emotional pain to themselves.

What can parents of teenagers do to keep their children safe and healthy?

Speak with Your Kid

Many parents believe that trying to speak with their kids about their moods and feelings will only push them farther away. This is a dangerous misconception. In reality, teenagers need to know they are safe, loved and cared for.

You may want to begin your conversation by asking general questions about what’s going on in their life. When the time feels right, you can ask if they have ever had thoughts of self-harm. If their answer alarms you, ask specifically if they are planning on or intending to harm themselves.

Validate Their Feelings

Once you’ve begun this sensitive dialogue with your teen, it’s important to actively listen and validate their feelings. Your kid must really believe you are a) hearing what they’re telling you and b) recognizing the importance of it. Try and listen without judgement. This will help your child relax and open up, thereby giving you an opportunity to learn even more about their inner emotional life.

Clarify the Situation

If your teen confides they are having thoughts of suicide, it’s incredibly important that you remain calm and ask questions that will help you clarify the situation. You will want to determine if they are mentioning suicide because they:

• Want to tell you just how bad they are feeling.

• Alert you to something they need but are not getting.

• Need to vocalize their desire to stop feeling so many emotions.

• Have actually planned how and when they will take their life.

Seek Professional Guidance

Any talk of suicide is a serious matter and requires professional guidance by a trained therapist. It’s important not to force your teen into any treatment plan, but instead, allow them to help direct the course of their plan. Some of their depression might stem from an overall lack of control they feel they have in their own life, so it’s important you let them have a voice in the direction of treatment. You may also find that you will want to speak with someone through this difficult time.

If you or a loved one is seeking treatment options for a troubled teen, please be in touch. We would be more than happy to discuss how we may be able to help your family.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

1-800-273-8255

Parenting An Angry Teen

Raising a teenager can be one of the most challenging experiences a parent will go through. Teenagers are in an awkward stage, dealing with hormonal changes that are out of their control and a developing brain. They’re awakening to new realizations about themselves and the world around them.

Teenage rebellion is a natural phase, however, handling it as a parent is anything but natural. If you’re struggling with raising an angry teen, here are some strategies that can help.

Keep Your Cool

It may be difficult to keep your cool when your teen is yelling at you, but as the adult, it’s important that you maintain control. Refrain from yelling, cursing, or name-calling your teen. Verbal abuse will only escalate the argument and will have a long-term impact on your child and your relationship. If your child is being verbally abusive, apply consequences to their behavior and speak in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.

Accountability, Not Control

Rather than trying to control your teen and their behavior, make them accountable. Set clear boundaries, and establish rules and consequences.

Listen

It can be difficult to listen when your child is yelling or angry. Your initial reaction may be to defend yourself or criticize. Rather than offering advice or judgment, actively listen to your teen. Be silent as they express themselves, and ask questions to better understand how they’re feeling. You can also calmly express that it’s difficult to listen to them when they’re angry and yelling. By genuinely trying to listen and understand them, you can teach them how to control their emotions and express themselves calmly.

Give Them Space

When your teen is angry and wants to storm off, let them go instead of following them and trying to continue or resolve the argument. It’s healthy for both of you to give each other space and time to cool off so you can revisit the discussion when you’re both feeling calmer.

Pick Your Battles

Your teen is going through a difficult phase, and needs empathy. Remember back to the times when you were a teen to help you empathize. There will be times when your teen is making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, and as the adult it’s your job to know when to stand your ground, and when to let things go. Talk with your spouse to set boundaries and determine priorities of issues that can be compromised, and issues that are non-negotiable.

If you’re having difficulty with your angry teenager and want some help and guidance, call our office today so we can set up an appointment to talk.

The Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation for Teens

Life is a lot more complicated for teenagers than most adults give them credit for. Many teenagers are balancing schoolwork with part-time jobs, sports, and an active social life. There are plenty of studies out there that have found teenagers are even more stressed out than adults.  And, it’s a growing problem. Statistics show that there is a higher percentage of teenagers that experience stress, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts than in the past. There are many different theories on why this is happening but regardless of the reason, it’s important that teenagers learn ways to effectively handle stress and anxiety. One way they can do this is through mindfulness meditation.

What is mindfulness meditation?

You’re probably familiar with the term meditation, but mindfulness is something many aren’t familiar with. When you practice mindfulness you are purposefully filling your mind with something. You are choosing to focus on something. It could be your breathing, a phrase, a body part, or an image. The important part is that what you are focusing on is something that is going to help you relax along with calming your mind and body.

Mindfulness works because it helps you replace your stressful thoughts and anxiety with something positive. For example, if a teenager is stressed out about an upcoming test at school they may be able to think of little else. That means they may lose sleep over it, have a more difficult time studying, and lose enjoyment in other areas of their life. Their mind is consumed with the anxiety and stress over the test. You can tell them not to think about it, but that’s easier said than done. If they spend some time practicing mindfulness meditation they purposefully choose something calming to think about. Instead of trying “not” to think about something they purposefully think about something, which is much easier to do.

Here’s another example, if I tell you not to think about a big green elephant with a pink polka dot hat, what are you thinking about? A big green elephant with a pink polka dot hat. But, if you decide to think about a red monkey instead, your mind will think about what you are choosing to focus on. The elephant might try to enter your mind, but you continue to think about the monkey which pushes out the thought of the elephant. That’s mindfulness in a sense.

Why teenagers should learn mindfulness meditation

While life is already complicated for teenagers, it’s not going to get easier on its own. High school may feel like a challenge, but what follows tends to be more of a challenge. Students either transition to college or the workforce both of which include new environments, social settings, and responsibilities. Learning how to get stress and anxiety under control as a teenager will help set them up to make these transitions into adult life much smoother and easier than continuing on the path they are on.

Benefits of mindfulness

• Improved sleep habits – Mindfulness can help students put their minds at rest and get a better night’s sleep.

• Improved attention span – Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can help students improve their attention span. This helps them to pay attention better in class which can lead to improved grades.

• Reduced levels of anxiety – Learning to turn from negative thoughts and stress help students to lower their anxiety levels.

• Lowers the chance of substance abuse – The Addiction Center reports that some teens with anxiety disorder turn to substances like alcohol and drugs in an effort to numb the stress that they are feeling. When they know healthy ways to handle anxiety, stress, and depression it reduces the chance that they will try to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.

• Teaches control of emotions – In society, it’s commonly known that teenagers can be more emotional. They are dealing with a new influx of hormones and it can make them feel like they are out of control. When they practice mindfulness they learn how to connect with themselves on a deeper level and gain control of their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

How to teach your teen mindfulness meditation

There are a few ways to encourage your teen to try practicing mindfulness. The first is to simply talk to them about it and the benefits that it offers. The next is by setting the example. Show them how you use mindfulness meditation in your daily life and talk to them about the impact that it makes on you. If you preach it and don’t practice it then your teen isn’t likely to practice it either. So, take the time to make this a habit that you incorporate into your daily life. It will set a good example for your teenager and you will experience all the benefits that it offers as well.

You can also encourage them to use an app. Let’s face it, most teens are more likely to get behind something that includes technology. After all, it’s always been a part of their lives. There are plenty of high-quality apps available to help your teenager learn and practice mindfulness meditation. These apps walk them through the process of what to do and give them prompts along the way. While an app isn’t needed to practice mindfulness meditation it can be a great way to get teens to try it and learn the process. They are more likely to try an app then to sit and listen to you lead them through the process.

Don’t wait for there to be a problem

Preventative measures are always better than waiting until there is a problem. Even if you don’t think that your teenager is dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression you should still teach them how to practice mindfulness meditation. Teens are dealing with more than we think they are, and many teens aren’t going to talk to their parents about what they are going through. So, don’t wait until you know there is a problem to teach them this effective tool that can help them navigate through the difficulties they face. And, if you feel that your teen is struggling reach out to a local therapist.

New Ways to Reconnect with Your Teen & Why They Need You More Than Ever

There’s an intense debate swirling around us as to the state of teenage-dom in the today’s world. Is bullying an old thing that’s getting new attention? Or is it quantitatively or qualitatively worse? Are kids less resilient than ever before, or are the pressures just that much greater? Are they meaner to one another? Or is cruelty just more visible than it was before?

There could be some truth to all of this, or none of it, or some of it. Regardless, it seems pretty clear that the teen years are at least as tough as they always were, and more complicated to boot. One thing that is definitely different for today’s teens is the degree to which they are interconnected by social media. And that means that whatever is going on is harder to get away from. It used to be if something embarrassing happened at school, you could get clear when the bell rang at 3 and by the next day the new drama du jour would take precedence. Now, the horrors of the day are kept alive indefinitely by retweets, shares, likes, dislikes, and every other mechanism of social media longevity. Events—the good, the bad, and the ugly—are broadcast far and wide and spread like wildfire.

More than ever, teens need safe spaces. They don’t know enough to create safety for themselves by unplugging from that which is causing them distress. The allure of monitoring social media interactions (even when it’s a thorn in the side) lures teens into staying wired in to a medium that may very well be causing them deep pain, like being unable to look away from a train wreck.

Five Ways to Reconnect With Your Teen

1. Spend some quality time with your teen on his/her terms, and yours

Treating your teen to something they love on their terms can be a great bridge and a way to create a safe and relaxing space. Suggest an outing on your time and dime, with the gentle caveat that you both will leave the phones in the car. Then you can both focus on each other, and even if your teen is – well, a distracted teen—they’ll know you care enough about focusing on them to leave your outside distractions behind as well.

1. Write your teen a real note or letter

No, it doesn’t have to be 1,000 words or more. In fact, they probably won’t read it if it is. But taking the time to handwrite your teen a note reminding them that you are proud of him/her, that you love him/her, or that you’re always there for him/her really sends the message that you care enough to find a pen, paper, and envelope, when text is so much more convenient.

1. Surprise your teen with an experience you can share

Teens are surrounded by a culture of material one-upmanship. Phones, fashions, cars, sports gear, scholarships, trips . . . there’s an arms race of stuff wherever they look. Help your teen reconnect with you and with some non-material goodness by digging in to free experiences that aren’t about things or about being passively entertained. Go hiking or fishing, visit a museum, or volunteer together.

1. Engage about something beyond your teen’s immediate environment

Use a short magazine or newspaper article to engage your teen on what he/she thinks about a world event or other important topic bigger than him/herself. Not as an opportunity to educate them, just as an opener to a meaningful dialogue about the world beyond their immediate concerns. Let them know you’re interested in what they think, genuinely, because you value him/her as a person and a global citizen.

1. Make sure you’re present when you’re with your teen

If you are responding to texts or emails while your teen is talking to you, you are sending the message that they are not worthy of your undivided attention. Very few things are a sucking chest wound, and chances are, you can respond to that text in fifteen minutes just as well as you can right now. When you spend time with your teen, make sure your actions convey that you value your connection. When you are juggling your focus on your teen with umpteen other individuals who are trying to reach you, you are sending the message that they are just another ball up in the air of your busy day.

Your teen needs you more than ever. Even if nothing troubling is “going on” per se, you want your teen to feel connected enough to you that they will reach out if something does come up. By constantly tending to the connection on a regular basis, you are establishing important groundwork that will serve you well as a parent and your teen well as he/she matures and faces new challenges.

Helping Your Anxious Teen…5 Ways Parents Can Help

Teens and anxiety.  The two seem to go hand in hand.  If you are a parent looking to help your teen through this tough and often turbulent time, then you are not alone.  Anxiety in children and teens is on the rise and you will want to know what you can do to make this time easier for them.  To make a difference, here are some options that will help your teen not only feel better but receive the right support from you.

1. Encourage physical activity: Physical activity is one of the best ways teens can deal with anxiety.  It’s mentally and physically healthy, productive, and something they can do with you or their peers.  Whether it’s yoga, a run, a workout at the gym, or anything else, physical activity is a wonderful recommendation for helping anxious teens.  It’s great during an anxiety-rich day, and as maintenance for the lasting anxiety in your teen.

2. Sleep 8-9 hours a night: Lack of sleep can make any teen more anxious, so make sure that they are getting the recommended 8-9 hours of sleep each night.  To make that easier to accomplish, you can try making a deal with your teen to put away electronics after a certain time in the evening, and offer incentives for them to get the right sleep.  This is often a tricky thing to guarantee, especially with those who have active social lives and decent amounts of homework, but it can be done.  Just set up a plan with them that is agreeable to all perhaps as an “experiment” to start.  Once he or she sees the benefits of it, they might even be self- motivated to get the sleep they need – we can hope!

3. Limit the caffeine: You probably know yourself that when you have too much caffeine, you can get jittery and anxious, so now imagine your teen having that jittery feeling on top of the already existing anxiety.  When you are that age and dealing with anxiety, caffeine just makes it worse until it can get unbearable.  So, limit the caffeine that your teen takes in, whether it’s from coffee or sugary drinks.  You’ll find that it can help reduce your teen’s anxiety, too, especially if they are used to having these drinks on a regular basis.  If they see the positive results, they may even take this new “no caffeine” rule seriously on their own.

4. Find some new and productive hobbies: Keeping busy and distracted with fun and entertaining activities is a fantastic way of getting rid of anxious energy.  Help your teen find a new activity that is full of potential.  Creative pursuits involving music, art, theatre and singing/dancing are all what we consider to be right-brained activities. These can feel like an escape and help your teen relax while expressing themselves in a safe environment. Other hobbies that can be helpful include reading/writing, model building, chess/games, sports and school clubs and volunteering.

5. Have an anxiety-friend: If there is a loved one in your family or close friend that deals with anxiety on a regular basis put them in contact with your teen.  In our modern times, snapchat or texting can be a “safe” way for your teen to communicate with someone when they are having a tough day.  You will be able to trust that your teen is communicating with someone safe. Your teen will benefit from knowing they are not alone and learn new ways of managing their emotions. A new perspective from a trusted family member/friend will go a long way toward helping your teen manage this challenging time.

Teen anxiety is a real concern in our world with all of the stressors that pop up during this time in life, but when you have the right tools in place, dealing with the anxiety can get a little easier and a whole lot more realistic.  It simply comes down to having the best tools to get the job done, and this will help.