8 Ways to Improve Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy is a crucial component of any healthy relationship. It's the glue that binds two people together emotionally, physically, and mentally. Intimacy fosters a deeper connection and trust between partners, and it helps to create a foundation for a happy and fulfilling relationship. However, maintaining intimacy can be challenging, particularly as the years go by and life gets more hectic. Here are some tips for improving intimacy in any relationship.

1. Communicate openly and honestly.

Communication is key to any relationship, but it's particularly important when it comes to intimacy. You and your partner should feel comfortable discussing your needs, desires, and boundaries. It's essential to create a safe space for open and honest communication without judgment or shame. When you're both able to communicate openly, you'll have a better understanding of each other's needs, which will help improve intimacy in your relationship.

1. Spend quality time together.

In our busy lives, it's easy to get caught up in work, household chores, and other obligations. However, it's crucial to make time for each other to maintain intimacy in your relationship. Carve out time to do things together that you both enjoy, such as going for walks, cooking dinner, or watching a movie. By spending quality time together, you'll strengthen your bond and deepen your connection.

1. Be physically affectionate.

Physical touch is a powerful way to improve intimacy in your relationship. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and cuddling are all ways to show your partner that you care for them. When you touch your partner, your body releases oxytocin, which is known as the "love hormone." This hormone helps to create a feeling of closeness and connection between partners.

1. Be attentive to your partner's needs.

Paying attention to your partner's needs is an essential aspect of building intimacy in your relationship. You should make an effort to understand your partner's emotional, physical, and sexual needs. For example, if your partner has had a long day at work, they may need some alone time to decompress. By being attentive to their needs, you'll show them that you care and value them as a partner.

1. Be present in the moment.

When you're spending time with your partner, it's important to be present in the moment. Avoid distractions such as your phone, the television, or other people. Instead, focus your attention on your partner and the activity you're doing together. When you're fully present, you'll be able to connect with your partner on a deeper level.

1. Practice active listening.

Active listening is a vital communication skill that can improve intimacy in your relationship. When your partner is speaking, make an effort to listen attentively and understand what they're saying. Avoid interrupting, judging, or criticizing them. Instead, show empathy and validate their feelings. When you actively listen to your partner, you'll create a sense of trust and understanding between you.

1. Be vulnerable and authentic.

Vulnerability is an essential aspect of intimacy. It's the willingness to open up and share your thoughts, feelings, and fears with your partner. By being vulnerable, you'll create a deeper connection with your partner, and they'll feel more comfortable doing the same. Authenticity is also important. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to impress your partner. Be true to yourself, and your partner will appreciate your honesty and openness.

1. Explore new things together.

Trying new things together can be a fun way to improve intimacy in your relationship. Whether it's taking a dance class, trying a new restaurant, or going on a weekend trip, exploring new experiences together can create a sense of adventure and excitement. When you're both trying something new, you'll be able to bond over the shared experience.

Improving intimacy in a relationship is crucial to building a stronger and healthier bond between partners. By focusing on communication, affection, and quality time, couples can create a safe and loving space that encourages vulnerability and fosters a deeper connection. It is important to remember that intimacy is not just about physical touch, but also about emotional and mental connection. By prioritizing intimacy in your relationship, you can create a fulfilling and lasting partnership that supports each other's growth and happiness. Remember to be patient, open-minded, and willing to work together to improve intimacy in your relationship.

How to Cope with a Newly Empty Nest: Tips and Strategies for a Smooth Transition

It’s happened—you have an empty nest. The little ones that you spent the majority of your time taking care of, worrying about, encouraging, teaching, and loving over the past 18 or so years have grown up and flown the coop. Whether you were ready for it or not, you have entered the stage of being an empty nester. The moving out of your last, or only child, is life changing. And, while there are some parents that embrace this change with open arms, there are many more that struggle to make the transition.

Being a parent has been one of your full-time roles for years. While you still are a parent, even though your child doesn’t live at home, the dynamic of the relationship has changed. If your identity has been wrapped up in your role as “mom” or “dad” having an empty nest can leave you feeling lost, confused, anxious, regretful, and depressed.

This may feel like one of the most difficult transitions that you have made in your life until this point. And, while it may be painful and hard, you can get through it successfully and learn to love the new life that is waiting for you in your empty nest. Getting to this point is a two-part process. The first is learning how to transition to having an adult relationship with your child. The second is learning how to embrace your empty nest and regained freedom.

How to have a relationship with your adult child

It may be difficult for you to see your child as an adult because it feels like just yesterday when you were dropping them off at school for the first time. However, to help your child be a successful adult, it’s important that you learn how to transition your relationship to that of one with an adult and not a child. Here are some tips to help you do that:

Respect the boundaries that your child establishes

This is a time in life when your child is stepping out and becoming an adult. They are likely going to enjoy their newfound freedom. That means they may not check in with you when they make it back to their room every night and they probably aren’t going to call you every day. They may not even want to spend every holiday with you, handle their finances the way you think they should or call you every morning.

As hard as it is to do, you need to respect their wishes. If they don’t want to chat every morning before they head off to work or school, they aren’t going to answer the phone. If you try to force it, you will drive a wedge between the two of you. It doesn’t mean that you have to agree with their boundaries, but if you want to have a good relationship with them you can’t overstep them.

Only give your opinion if it’s asked for

For years you have been a major influencer in the decisions that your child has made. You may have even been the one making the decisions. This makes it hard when they step out on their own and start making their own decisions. They will probably find themselves in new situations that they are unfamiliar with and will have to figure out how to handle them. Allow them to run their own life. Don’t give your opinion unless your child asks you for it.

If they are talking to you about a situation and you would like to weigh in you can say something like, “Do you want my opinion?” But if they decline then keep it to yourself. Forcing your opinion and undermining the decisions that your adult child is making is a good way to damage your relationship with them.

Enjoying your empty nest

It can be a big change to go from having a house that’s bustling with busy teenagers to a house that’s constantly quiet. You spent years constantly reminding your child to pick up after themselves and now you would love to have a little bit of that mess back. You’re most likely missing things that you never realized you would miss. However, instead of focusing on all of the things that make having an empty nest sad, let’s focus on the positive side of it.

You’ve spent hours upon hours raising your children. You were so successful that they were able to move out and not have to depend on you for every little thing. Congratulations! That means you did a good job, you raised your small children into grown adults. Yes, it’s hard to let them go. But once you do a new life awaits you. All of the things that you had to set aside when your children came or had to wait to try because you were a busy parent are now waiting for you to enjoy.

Rediscover your old passions

Most parents have some type of hobby that gets put on the back burner when their children come along. It could be something as simple as reading every day to cross-country skiing, playing the guitar, or going to wine tastings. Spend a few minutes thinking about the hobbies that you used to love doing. Now is your time to rediscover that passion you had for them.

Take up a new hobby

It’s ok if you discover that the hobbies you had a few decades ago aren’t enjoyable anymore. You now have time to try new hobbies. Think of one or two things that you’ve always wanted to try and commit to them with your newly opened schedule. Sign up for a dance class, learn to brew your own beer, take up knitting, or buy that classic car and head off to a car show. Keep trying things until you find something that you love.

Rekindle your relationship

It can be a struggle for a couple to keep the romance alive when the kids are in the house. Hopefully, you haven’t let your relationship slide just because you had kids, but either way now is the time to rekindle that relationship with your spouse or take it up a notch. You no longer have to hide behind closed doors, be home early to make sure your child makes it back in time or find a sitter if you want to go away for the weekend. Think about the things you and your partner liked to do before having kids and try them again.

If you have a blended family this could be the first time that you and your partner have a house with no children living in it. This is a great time to explore your relationship on a new level. Live like honeymooners for awhile.

Don’t jump into major life changes

You are probably experiencing a wide range of emotions right now. You might be tempted to jump into a big move like selling your house to downsize or getting a job to fill your schedule. Take some time to process through your emotions before rushing into any major decisions.

Transitions in life can be difficult. Make an appointment with a local therapist if your transition to an empty nest has left you suffering from grief, depression, anxiety, or regret. It can be healing to discuss what you are experiencing with a trained and experienced professional.

When You Love an Addict – 6 Things You Should Know

All relationships go through ups and downs. It’s normal. They are made up of two imperfect people trying to make it work together. But when you add addiction into the relationship it takes those “normal” ups and downs and turns them into a wild rollercoaster that leaves you feeling like you are barely hanging on. The good times provide you with just enough hope that you start to believe it really is going to get better. But then a bad time comes and you aren’t sure what to do. If you didn’t love them it would be easy to walk away. But you do, so you feel at a loss of how to handle the situation. Below are 6 things you should know when you love an addict.

1. Set boundaries

It’s important to establish healthy boundaries with your loved one. If they continue to break your trust and abuse you in any way, you do not want to continue to allow those behaviors to continue. You need to set firm and clear boundaries. Communicate them with the other person so they understand what the boundaries are and what will happen if they choose to ignore them. These boundaries are in place to protect you so it’s important that you stick to them once you have established them.

Here’s how a boundary works. If you set the boundary that “I will not lie or ‘cover’ for you anymore.” you need to communicate that to your loved one. Tell him in those exact words that you are done covering so others won’t know what’s going on or so he won’t look bad. Then, follow through. The first time that he misses your daughter’s basketball game because of his addiction, don’t make up an excuse as to why he isn’t there. This will feel like one of the hardest things you’ve ever done especially if you haven’t set boundaries in the past, but you have to follow through if you want it to work.

Examples of other boundaries you might want to set include:

• I will not help you out if you are arrested or in legal trouble.

• You will not use drugs or alcohol around me or in the house.

• I will not financially support the addiction or other areas of life if all their money is going to support their addiction.

• I will not wait to have dinner until you arrive when you are late.

2. Allow them to suffer natural consequences

When you love an addict it’s painful to see them hurting even if it frustrates you that their actions caused the pain. This feeling, along with not wanting to be without our loved one, can lead to codependency. You don’t want to lose that person, so you cover for them and try to make their life easier. However, while you might be doing this to show love or receive love, it’s also enabling them to continue with their addiction. If you really love them then you need to allow them to suffer the natural consequences of their choices.

That means they could lose their job if they are always late because of their addiction, or they have damaged relationships with others because of lies they have told, or they have financial trouble because they aren’t being responsible with their money. If you always bail them out they will never experience the consequence, and the pain of the consequence is often needed to show them why they need to break the addiction and change.

3. Encourage them to seek help

You can only do so much to help your loved one with their addiction. Encourage them to seek professional help. This could be meeting with a local therapist or joining a support group. Attend sessions with them if they ask you to. Drive them to their meetings. You cannot force them to go, but if they are choosing to show that you support their decision to seek help.

Along with this, look to change any behaviors you have that could make their recovery process more difficult. For example, if your loved one struggles with alcohol then choose not to drink when you are with them, so they won’t be tempted.

4. Don’t take it personally

Remember that their addiction is not about you even if they try to tell you that it is. When you take their addiction personally it can hurt the situation further in a few ways. The first is that you’re likely to become defensive when you talk with your loved one. You know you aren’t the reason and you want to make it clear that it’s their decisions and choices that are hurting the situation. However, this will only hurt communication between the two of you and usually cause an argument. The second way that it hurts is that if you buy into the lie that it’s somehow your fault you will not allow them to experience their own consequences because you will want to make it better for them. Remind yourself daily if need be, their addiction is not about you.

5. Practice self-care

It can be easy to put so much emphasis on trying to take care of your loved one that you don’t take proper care of yourself. If this goes on for too long you will find that your own physical and mental health is beginning to suffer. Self-care is important for everyone, but when you are in a relationship with an addict it’s easy to forget about. Here are self-care habits you should stick to in your life:

• Get enough sleep – Difficult situations are always harder to process when you are exhausted.

• Exercise – This is a healthy way to release stress and anger as well as to boost the good endorphins in your brain.

• Eat right – Stress causes some people to not eat enough and others to eat too much. Make sure you are eating a balanced diet, so you can feel your best.

• Spend some time doing things you enjoy – Addicts have a tendency to make life all about themselves even if they don’t realize they are doing it. Find time to do things that you enjoy. Or, at the very least find time to get away on your own where you can enjoy silence and solitude.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to a local therapist for yourself. Yes, it can be incredibly helpful to get your loved one to see a professional, but you can only truly control your own actions and decisions. You might not be able to get them to see a therapist, but you can choose to go for yourself. A therapist can help you with your levels of stress and anxiety throughout the situation and help provide you with valuable tips you can use in your relationship with the addicted individual.

6. Remember that you cannot make decisions for them.

As hard as it is to accept, you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. As much as you want the person to change, and even believe that they can change, if they are unwilling to take the steps they need to, then it might not happen. Or, at least not right now.

There could come a time in the relationship when you need to let go and walk away for your own benefit. Sometimes, this consequence can be enough to wake up the other person and encourage them to take the steps that they need, but not every time. Sometimes you just have to accept that your loved one is not in a place where they are willing to acknowledge the addiction and take steps to gain control of it.

If your safety, physical or emotional, is at risk then you need to make sure you are protecting yourself before trying to help the other person. If you love an addict, I urge you to reach out to a local therapist to seek help for yourself.

5 Ways to Improve Communication with Your Partner for Joy, Peace, and a Deeper Relationship

So often, one or both members of a couple are shocked to discover their beloved partner has become a stranger. And sometimes it’s even more distressing — we wake up and find that not only does our partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend not just seem to be a stranger . . . but someone with whom we can’t imagine ever having joyfully coexisted. The truth is, this is not an uncommon experience. And more importantly . . . it’s not a sign that your relationship is doomed or over. It doesn’t mean you married the “wrong” person, and it doesn’t mean you’re a failure in romance. It does often mean that our relational skills rarely keep pace with our individual growth processes, and we often don’t notice it’s happened until the lines of communication have ground to a halt.

Hopefully, we are all continuously growing in meaningful and often surprising ways throughout adulthood. Growth means some kind of change. We frequently forget that when we initially learned to communicate with our partner, it wasn’t crystal clear from the get-go. There were bumps in the road, misunderstandings, and even deeply hurt feelings, because people who are new to each other don’t know each other well enough yet to create smooth and effective conversation. And just about the time we really think we’ve got it down to a fine science, we discover we’ve evolved just enough as individuals that we’re overdue for a sort of re-familiarizing and exploration of this new version of ourselves, and a fresh introduction of that new self’s communication needs and nonverbal messaging. We might become frustrated with our partner’s seeming inability to appreciate how we are now doing business, and interpret that as a newly discovered shortcoming on their part or even a sign of trouble in the relationship itself. Here are 5 great ways to help you rediscover the partner you want in your relationship:

1. Remember that people change, and that’s not a bad thing. Just new. Most of us expect that communication abilities with our partner are a bit like recipes we learnt by heart long ago. A chocolate chip from 1998 is fundamentally the same as a chocolate chip from 2018, and so using the same chocolate chips should get you the same results every time. We’d all be pretty irritated if Grandma’s chocolate chip cookie recipe suddenly ceased producing delicious treats and we’d done nothing differently!

But as individuals, we aren’t chocolate chips. Even if we don’t realize we’re different than we used to be, and our partners aren’t either. So the classic recipe is cannot possibly produce the same delicious treats . . . we need to look for a new one that accounts for the wonderful new ingredients that admittedly have different properties than the old ones. We need to look forward and focus on our goal of delicious treats made with the ingredients we have now.

1. Old dogs can definitely learn new tricks. When people grow, and their needs, wants, and deepest selves evolve, they often feel that their relationship or the person with whom they are in a relationship cannot possibly accommodate these new qualities. This creates a sense of competition for space in the relationship, and one or both of the individuals may have the sense that there is only enough “room” for one person’s feelings, needs, or desires at a time, to which the other person must yield. The truth is that regardless if one person or both individuals have changed or in what direction, most relationships often can accommodate multiple and seemingly irreconcilable individual growth.

2. You can both be right and no one has to compromise. One of the greatest communication skills that any couple can cultivate is that of collaboratively allowing for the peaceful, nonthreatening existence of feelings that are seeming in conflict, without “surrendering,” “giving in,” or “compromising.” When we become attached to the idea that only one thing can be true or right at a time, we limit ourselves, our partner, and our relationship. The two little but so powerful words, “yes, and . . .” validates the importance of each individuals’ perspective and contribution, while directing the focus towards a larger cohesiveness that surpasses individual differences.

3. Know your attachment style and your partner’s. And don’t forget it. People respond differently to the threat of distance, abandonment, and relational strain. It has a lot to do with family dynamics from childhood. But you’re not a kid anymore, and neither is your partner. Read up on attachment styles so you can own your emotional responses and not ascribe them to your partner as something he/she needs to “fix” about themselves so you can interact more peaceably.

4. Keep your eye on the important stuff. Have a good heart to heart with yourself and find out if you’re more focused on being right or being happy. There’s a good chance the two have very different pathways.

Allowing for multiple truths to co-exist can feel threatening, initially. But ultimately it creates a space of ultimate safety for both parties that frequently brings them closer, because they feel they can share themselves (including the newly discovered parts of themselves) in the deepest possible way with their partner without fear of being judged. The confidence to be genuine and authentic is a powerful bonding force between intimate partners; one that transcends the “differences” that constitute the subject.